I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
