My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
