I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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