Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wanna go halves on a baby?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
