i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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