Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she peed on how many people?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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