I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
