You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This baby is an asshole
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
