I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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