At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
