Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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