Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Too much gin, very little bucket
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
