you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my poor anus
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
