just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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