i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
and you fell through a lawn chair
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
