I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
