youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
