it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
