I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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