She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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