Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
