So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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