i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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