You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
