This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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