the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
