OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
