I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
