Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
