so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
