I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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