Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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