For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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