I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
