shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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