I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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