gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
