Jerry, you need to find god
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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