so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
