I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
