so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
