It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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