i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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