I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
