i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
