Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
