I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
