i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
