I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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