I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I pour the whiskey from now on
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
