He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
