i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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