I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize