She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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