too bad you live with your parents still
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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