ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
