Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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