one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
