i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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