Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
