The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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