i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
