ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
