Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
