he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
