If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
farters have to be the big spoon...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
