I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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