I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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