I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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