My sheets look like a crime scene.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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