so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
