I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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